My work is focused upon studying the human condition and measuring the impact of how we deal with what life delivers alongside attending to the role of intention, free will, and behavioral reactions. It’s all fascinating–all of the time.
What is troublesome however is that we cannot know what lies ahead. The next steps can be intended and planned and moved towards but they are not guaranteed. We don’t even know if we get the next breath, quite literally. The old saying of “make the best of it..” applies to every nanosecond.
I’ve been escorting someone dear to me towards their passing. They let me know less than 2 months ago, it was this summer, that they received a most unappealing health diagnosis. I make mention of the season because we both love the seasons of the year and it hurts to know that for each one of us we will come to our last season at some point and not see the next. I asked what they wanted to do about it, the diagnosis that is. Fight it, they said. And they wanted my help. The request for my help was about love and faith and knowledge.
Our prayer life is powerful but it is vital to make note that in our prayers we make requests, we are not in a position to give orders. Within the realm of knowledge I can share information and experience and cannot alter cellular reality because there are far too many intervening variables. With regard to love, I can give until it hurts–and I do.
My friend is a person I have known for my entire life. That alone beckons my heart. It also elicits memories across the course of life. This is a person with whom I shared stories of joy about childhood gatherings and sadness about the passing of my family members. Although we had times of being quite close, we also had distance. This was not a romance, it was a safe and familiar person with whom there was a long connection.
He died last night.
I knew it was a passing that would take place this month, I just did. I knew it would be this week. I just did. I am grateful that we were able to spend time exchanging the words that were important. I’m glad that when he could not speak, there was a way for him to grimace and to hear the sounds of my voice and smile and breathe indicating relief from whatever it was that was agonizing.
Life delivered his passing to him. The delivery has also been extended over to my heart to receive. I feel sad and a little sick about it. Another person absent here. Another loss. Another reality in my address book, phone, e-mails, and most importantly in my opportunities. There is no opportunity for another visit–not here. I know the afterlife in many ways–in my faith, in my knowledge, and through love. I get it. However, there are times when I want the live and tangible presence. There are times, like right now when I would like the option of returning or refusing the delivery of something unwanted.
Not mine to choose.
I am called upon now to abandon my selfish, to open my mind and allow my thoughts to soothe my heart knowing that this person has peace now. I don’t think he ever really knew peace in this life. I am called upon to take respite, make time for prayer, and extend gratitude more deeply for every breath I take, every breath I am able to take.
This is how you Build the Strength Within.
