When it comes to the topic of stress and daily hassles, there is always a focus on difficult people with the question being — how can I deal effectively with these awful individuals? People can drive you nuts, right?
Rarely does anyone request assistance with becoming less of a difficult person. Where are these difficult people? Where do they live? Who are they?
The truth is that each one of us is difficult at some point in time — for someone. So very often, we are unaware of this fact and cannot imagine that others would experience us as anything other than reasonable. Love of the self is precious and having an accurate picture of who you are and how others experience you is equally as essential.
I have come to recognize that I am very demanding on my own self — high expectations at every turn. After all, the company is called Partners In Excellence! I reach to do it all very right and having a positive impact with each action I enable. Recently however, I have had an awakening of sorts as I was looking at how difficult I thought others were being. Indeed there were difficulties and performance challenges — BUT — I had to own a percentage of them. I also came to recognize that in the midst of my own frustration, I was spilling my difficulties out onto the others with whom I was experiencing difficulty.
Ouch.
It was only when I looked into the eyes of the other (one of the others), and saw the agony that was present that I awakened. My experience in that moment of recognition was painful. I was looking at this man who has opened a doorway for me and invited me to experience A+ everything very generously and I was questioning every portion of the alphabet and asking if all the letters were in order and perfect and could he please go back and check and recheck and make certain and assure me that we were arriving at a point of excellence.
Oh my. Was I really that difficult person who I had always been the one figuring out strategies for how best to handle effectively?
Sort of……
The why of it illuminated for me what happens that prompts difficult interactions. When we become frustrated, we look to see the whole picture and find out what is happening overall. It is not always necessary to do that. And if we do, we need to forever factor in that the human condition is such that mistakes, mis-steps, and errors occur. It is also helpful to place the thought in our mind that we are indeed each making errors as we intend to do our very best. This happens daily.
I talk and counsel and write about mindfulness every single day and yet I have the experience of being human and faultering in my abilities to be excellent and easy going. I have a vision of being loved and respected and thought of as reasonable and inspiring — not so different from what each one of us crave. It seems to me that if we can strive for it, be intentional about it, and at the same time become more compassionate and loving and tolerant, we will arrive at a place where our difficult self is short lived and we can swiftly resume to pleasant, agreeable, trusting, and happy…….all of which means productive and well.
The timing of things is always perfect — a friend shared the following on Facebook in the middle of all of this for me (unbeknownst to them). I found it to be most helpful. I hope you do as well……and that you take postive action as a result and go out there into the world and love openly and trust…..and forgive those who have been difficult in your experiences, including forgiving yourself.
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