My mom’s cousin, who is my second cousin, just died. He was my oldest living relative.
He was a WWII veteran and a very faith filled man who had a sweetness and a tough to him that I was drawn to. We exchanged a lot of communications online. He was political and funny and dear. I talked to his wife yesterday and she sounds like she is 20. She is young and spry and somewhere around my parents age . My folks would be in their 90s now, if they were still alive here.
When he came to the Memorial service for my mother 6 years ago, he told me that we’re not Polish, we’re Austrian. He said he could prove it. It threw me for a loop–my identity is partly wrapped around being Polish, jokes and all. I knew he was correct. I meant to go see him and have the talk about it. I never did. Now it is too late.
What was I waiting for?
My day began with a funeral attendance today. One of my dearest friends lost his mother. He came to visit and decided she was not going to die yet and left to return to his out of state home. After boarding the airplane, he was alerted to get off that plane and head to be at her bedside–she called him back from her afterlife voice. He is tough and also sensitive. He answered the call. His mother is now laid to rest beside his father. The family and many friends came together today to tell stories and say shalom. I said shalom and did the mitzvah of placing a shovel of dirt upon her grave.
Life is short. No matter what age we live to, life is shorter than what we would like for it to be.
The men who are the sons of the mother who died and was buried today are in their late 60s and early 70s. They felt like babes. They are, we all are.
What are we waiting for in this life? 
I find myself feeling impatient about what all I am inspired to do….and also to say. I want to reach out and touch and feel and embrace the people I love. I want to spend time with people I like and I don’t want to waste a moment in angst of feeling hesitant. My whole career is about love and kindness and doing what is direct and what you feel and what is appropriate and good and right. And yet, here I am……wondering what I am waiting for.
Death is on my mind and it is in my heart with a certain sorrow. Loss is forever but it is not really that we lose, things simply shift. I have had so many of my beloveds die but–I feel them right here with me. The loss is that they are no longer in the body here to embrace physically…..maybe this is why I am such a hugger. I want the embrace with each person I adore because the day will arrive when it will be no more. Sadly.
And so with, Al Kobler, my oldest living relative, I will not hear from his lips to my ear why we are Austrian and not Polish. I won’t get to hug him and have the dialogue. What in the world was I waiting for….? There was ample opportunity and I missed it. My heart aches and my identity is shifting as I ponder the consequences of my investment in my lineage. I don’t sit still with it–I take action. I will explore and I will remain dedicated to my mission of inner strength and total life wellness.
I have launched an online course about building our strength and feeling this life fully. I’m so glad I get to teach it because I get to learn it all over again. What a blessing.
Come join me, the opening session is free. I want you to experience it and find the value before you commit. Send an e-mail to Deb@DrDebCarlin.com and in it write — I AM IN!
We will send over the link so that you can join us on Thursday, May 7th 6:30-8:00 pm CST
