Even when we get on top of our game and feel the goodness of who we are, it is a challenge to retain that energy, focus and commitment. Life is an ebb and flow of feeling happy and then sad, giving and then selfish, full and then empty. In our most authentic inner voice, we always know where it is that we reside and what it is we need to do in order to be that highly functional self. We simply need to trust that voice, to turn up the volume, to listen without begging for a filter or engaging in an argument–don’t argue with your intuition, it is your wisdom and saving grace.
People come to me in overt and covert ways…in need of something I can share. I love this as it is my life purpose to pour over what is flowing through every portion of who it is that I am, who I was conceived to be. I thrive on and in it.
However, I am called to be accountable to my own self and to my calling first and foremost. It is a challenge for me to allow my self love the time, space, and energy to take hold and remain intact. If this sounds familiar to you, good. This means that we are both human beings. Let’s rejoice, even if it brings forth tears.
There has been an absence in my life for a decade. It has been the absence of a true, deep and genuine love beside me in the way of a partner who is authentically healthy and Godly, ready and capable of sharing the life I have created and doing the work that is so amazing–and the space has been open to fill. Amazingly.
A man entered my scene. This man who walked in was every bit of amazing…Godly, strong, passion filled, gorgeous, funny, smart, warm, engaging…and totally enthralled with me, my presence, my energy, and what we immediately had as a supercharged connection which he called connectivity and he and I wrote about in this blog. We fell in love. We discovered what we called The Self Correcting Love Affair. We met challenge as a duo and moved through it in dialogue, prayer, and in loving one another so openly and with grace and gentility…beautiful.
My Prince arrived…I was transported from being the doctor in charge of everything to just simply being the girl who now had the boy.
We met in 1st grade, liked one another, began holding hands and then allowed ourselves to naturally love one another all across these many years…off on our adventures but coming back to one another now, he said. Beautiful.
I told him I knew through my faith that I had prayed him into my realm. I know that God watched me as a tiny girl and knew who my life mate needed to be…..and identified his spirit and put him on a path that would lead him directly to me. Beautiful.
And yet, with all of this truth, there is another truth and it is about love and accountability that extends the story because of an additional reality. The reality is that when we love, honestly love, we need to tend to what we know that our other needs. In my way of living, I cannot help but step over to the side and see clearly when another is in need of healing beyond me. This is a painful part of love and certainly a painful part of accountability.
It has been inside of these knowings, the inner wisdom of us both, and the authentic love that we share for one another that we came to a responsible decision…pain filled and hopeful, encouraging and terrifying, all love filled and directed towards God and genuine being, we need to walk another path now. This path takes us both onto a healing, very different for him than for me. My challenge is to remain in place and continue my work, refresh my friendships and hold steadfast to my life mission, my work, my obligations. His challenge is to travel to another place, a place where he can find his core, the depth of his faith and become open to being filled with the Holy Spirit like never before. He needs this to take place so that he can know his authentic high value, his goodness, and then can allow the brightness of his light to shine as a beacon of what all is good and genteel. He cannot walk here beside me during this journey, it is a solo venture, a venture away from what is us.
This love and accountability theme is one that takes faith, extreme faith. It also takes courage because it is so seductive to hang on and feel safe in a physical embrace, create excuses for why we are a hiccup off from our best selves together, and explain away how this shall pass if we are patient.
I have a presence of love and wellbeing that runs through every part of my being. I’ve learned it, lived it, created it, and share it. I cannot resist the healing that I am so completely compelled to engage in and engage others into for their best selves to emerge safely. I know that a component of healing is to go solo, to allow time and space for thoughts, feelings, and all of the visceral responses to be experienced in isolation–we come into this world alone and we leave the same…..we must have comfort inside of our own skin, mind, heart, and soul if we are to have an authentic life as our Creator has put us onto the path of.
I pray daily and across the day for healing to be. I pray and I long for love and peace in a million different ways, but I long most for wounds to heal, for the mind to be what can be trusted, for the heart to find happiness and for the soul to know peace. It is then that there will be the confident being before so much trauma took hold, before the world injured an incredibly tender spirit, before corruption moved onto the radar and interrupted a path of embracing every bit of purity.
In building our human inner strength, there is work to be done and calls for courage. Take hold of your hands together in prayer, move yourself forward into the position of acceptance to take this journey each time you need recovery from the world, from circumstances that rob you of your best self, love yourself enough to be accountable and to press forward.